” 20 Pieces Of Advice ” Marriage is one of the major occurrences in one’s life. It’s not only the coming together of two people but also the unification of families, cultures, and beliefs. For a sister who is getting married, getting good advice from her relatives is worth more than gold. In his book “20 Pieces of Advice to My Sister Before Her Marriage”, Badr Bin Ali Al-Utaybee provides sincere and eternal advice to guide brides-to-be through the challenges of marriage wisely and gracefully.
1. Seek Knowledge and Understanding of Marriage
Prior to diving into marriage, it’s crucial to learn what marriage actually is. Learn its meaning, duties, and emotional, mental, and physical dimensions involved. Go through Islamic knowledge and advice to attain a good concept of marital life. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) stated, “The best of you are those who are best to their women.” (Tirmidhi).
2. Clear Communication with Your Husband-to-be
Openness and honesty in communication is one of the pillars of a successful marriage. Open communication with your future husband before your wedding day. Learn and understand each other’s values, dreams, and future expectations. Discuss essential issues such as children, money, and chores so that both of you start your marriage with understanding.
3. Be Patient and Understanding
Marriage requires patience. Your spouse is not perfect, and neither are you. Understand that there will be challenges, disagreements, and difficult times. Patience is key to navigating these challenges. As the Quran mentions, “And live with them in kindness” (Quran 4:19), meaning both spouses should show compassion, even during times of conflict.
4. Prioritize Your Relationship with Allah
Marriage is a path that can be blessed if Allah is made the focal point of it. Always keep your relationship with Allah intact through prayer, dhikr (remembrance), and worship. When both spouses work towards keeping close to Allah, their relationship becomes stronger and their marriage a place of peace and comfort.
5. Respect and Honor Each Other
Respect is one of the core pillars of a healthy marriage. Always be respectful to your husband, and expect him to be so likewise. Be gentle with your words and actions, and never indulge in any disrespect, either through words or action. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) stressed respect by stating, “The best of you are those who are the best to their wives.” (Ibn Majah).
6. Make an Effort at Emotional Support
Marriage is not merely friendship; it is also supporting each other emotionally. Always stand by your husband and assure him that you are his support. Support him in his activities, lend an ear when he wants to share something, and comfort him in hard times.
7. Be Financially Responsible
Marriage has financial obligations. Be careful in the way you handle money in your marriage. Establish a budget and decide together how you will spend, save, and invest. Be prudent in the decisions you make and do not be wasteful, as this will create avoidable stress within the relationship.
8. Be a Good Listener
An important part of marriage communication is listening. Listen closely to your husband’s thoughts, feelings, and concerns. All someone may need is a sympathetic ear in order to feel heard and understood. Listening provides a space in which both partners feel respected and valued.
9. Support Each Other’s Personal Growth
Motivate and encourage one another to grow as individuals. Whether it’s in professional endeavors, personal interests, or in spirituality, support each other’s ambitions and aspirations. A marriage must be a relationship in which both partners grow and flourish together.
10. Take Care of Yourself Physically and Emotionally
Marriage is not an excuse to ignore your physical and mental health. Take care of yourself, for your sake as well as for the sake of your relationship. Make sure that you strike a balance between your life and your marital obligations.
11. Do Not Bring Your Past into Your Marriage
A successful marriage needs a new beginning. Don’t bring past relationships, resentments, or open issues to your marriage. Leave your past behind and work on having a loving, trusting, and respectful relationship with your spouse. This gives both partners the opportunity to heal, learn, and make their relationship stronger.
12. Be Grateful and Content
Gratitude is vital in marriage. Appreciate your partner’s efforts, love, and dedication. Identify the little acts of kindness and be grateful for them. Allah says in the Quran, “And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed: ‘If you are grateful, I will certainly give you more'” (Quran 14:7). Thankfulness creates love and happiness in a marriage.
13. Never Stop Dating Your Spouse
It’s necessary to maintain the romance in marriage. Schedule date nights on a regular basis, surprise each other with acts of affection, and keep rekindling the flame that united you. Marriage needs to be worked on continually to maintain the relationship healthy and satisfying.
14. Develop a Strong Foundation of Trust
Trust is the foundation of any marriage that endures. Strive to establish a trust foundation that is strong in your relationship with your husband. Steer clear of secrecy, dishonesty, or anything else that can destroy trust. Once a betrayal of trust has occurred, it is hard to reconstruct, so be always honest and open with each other.
15. Work Together as a Team
Marriage is a team effort, and both must work together as a team. Share duties, whether in running the home or raising kids. Practice teamwork and make sure that both feel appreciated in the marriage.
16. Accept Each Other’s Flaws
No one is perfect, and neither are you nor your partner. Accept one another’s imperfections and weaknesses, and do not expect the other to change. True love is loving a person for who they are, flaws and all.
17. Establish Boundaries with Extended Family
It’s important to set boundaries with extended family members. Respect your husband’s family, but also ensure that your relationship remains private and healthy. Over-interference from family members can sometimes strain a marriage, so balance these relationships with care.
18. Maintain a Sense of Humor
Marriage isn’t all about serious conversations and obligations—it’s also about enjoying each other. Maintain your sense of humor and learn to laugh with your husband. Life will have its challenges, but the ability to smile your way through them will make your union stronger.
19. Be Quick to Forgive
Marriage will inevitably involve disagreements, but it’s important to be quick to forgive. Holding onto grudges or bitterness can destroy a relationship. The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “The strong person is not the one who overcomes others in physical strength, but the one who controls themselves when they are angry.” (Bukhari). Forgiveness is a key trait of a successful marriage.
20. Trust in Allah’s Plan
Lastly, have faith that Allah has an ideal plan for you and your marriage. Even when it becomes hard, be sure that Allah is with you. The trials you face together will only make your relationship stronger if you trust in Him. Pray to Allah for direction and be sure that He will always lead you.
Read more: The Story of Prophet Yusuf,Fire of Jealousy (Part1)
